17 August 2006

Breakfast at the Westcliff

In accordance with trying to catch up on all that has happened over the last week, I figure I should just get all the other stuff out of the way so that I can post about current things. So in line with that, I'll fill you in on one more event that went down over the weekend before we can get back to current events. So I got invited to this breakfast shindig for YSL that was going at... ...the schwanky Westcliff Hotel last Saturday. Now I'll be honest, I have no idea why I was invited to this thing. I think there must have been a muddle up or some shit in the invites cause all I saw were women at this thing. Seriously! Must have been a women's month thing. Me and Twiggle were the only ball-bearers there. Anyway before I get to that part of the morning...
...let me talk a bit about the Westcliff. Yho this place is jiggy! I mean you rock up there, park your ride and you get this shuttle service that takes you all the way up to the place the event is going down. I can see how there are no SAfricans that stay there overnight or for weekends! I mean who's gona cough up R6000 for an evening of wine and dine? Shit, if I'm gona pay that money, there better be hoverring beds, pools made of choclate and women with sparks flying out their asses! But it's still jiggy though, it has this European villa vibe going on about it. You know, pebbled roads and all that. I think we were a bit underdressed for the occasion, not to mention we were the only black people at the place. Okay there were other black people there too but they were pouring the drinks. SEERIUS! But besides that, look at that phucken view. Dang Dawg!!! You could see the whole of Johannesburg from up there. Breathtaking view it was.
~Excuse my language in the following paragraph but I'm goin to vent a bit here. Very neccessary for my self-healing ~

So we actually rocked up this place and we were a bit late. I mean it was only 20 minutes, it's not like a whole hour or anything. Besides who wakes up THAT early on a Saturday anyway? So this short little fucker comes up to us in a condescending tone and looks us up and down obviously not approving of our casual attire. So starts asking us if we are sure we are at the right place and that we are late and it's not kosher. Well little dude I know it's not kosher. You think I did it on purpose? If you look on that list there of your's you'll see it's written SUAVE party of 3(and you pronounce that: swa-vay)!! So little short guy, if you ever read this then let me just take this opprtunity to tell you SUCK MY BALLS!! You can take your little prissy, prententious, Prada-glass-wearing, hairy-chest-having , soon-to-be-balding self and kiss my natural black ass!
Oh and if I see you again, I'm gona shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll have toes for teeth!

~Sorry, just had to vent there a bit!~

[Edit] - I got a kite from the people who organised and they said they apologise for the way shit went down and will hook us up with something else to make up for the inconvinience. Noice, but that still does not excuse your behaviour little guy!

Anyway we ended up being put to the side, waiting for a table to be set up for us.


We decided to go and chill on the outside under them big umbrellas on those long chairs. This is all being loser-like on the side and having to bear the brunt of everyone's gaze. And notice this, black people on this side...
and white people on this side. Hmmm....I smell something fishy here don't you? Just saying.
So I figured phuck it, something needs to be done about this shit. The best way to get what you want is to act all hard like and start being loud so everyone can hear you. Start saying shit that puts pressure on the situation. See cause when there is something that's obviously happening, people like to act like it's not so if you put it in their face then you'll get a bit of action. Next thing you know... ... bablam!!! There you go! Table, chow and champagne. It's funny how acting out of character can get you what you want. Eventually we ended up having quite a good time. But I came through all hungry-like cause I got told that it's going to be a full on breakfast you know, eggs bacon, omlettes the whole shebang. And I get pastries. Phuck. But it's cool, I aint complaining. Apparently Claudia Henkel the former Miss South Africa was in there somewhere. Besides what I thought about her before, she is actually quite a hottie. And tall as phuck! It's great to meet women who are tall. They are such a rareity(?) for us tall fella's out there.See all that stuff behind The Princess? Those are all the Yves Saint Laurent gift bags and shit filled with all the women stuff. I was not really down for all that. Anyway we ate, we drank and we went on our way to get some REAL CHOW.

21 comments:

Buzzing'Fly said...

Dont you just love these shwanky gigs suave. Every now and again of course, free stuff all that... the gig i attended last night was just that. Love it love it.

But yea on the real tho all glamour aside, its not my everyday cup of high tea. These people are so pompus it grates me. All they really care about is how much you earn, where you work and what car u drive... and i still get those up/down glances each time.. like what YOU doing here vibe...

blah i say...

Suavé said...

The thing is that I was totally caught off guard about the whole thing Buzz. It's cool if I'm prepared for a bit of stuck-upness but I wasnt. The fuckers.

If I had a choice I wouldnt do these gigs at all. It's just that I find it hard to say no if if anyone says 'free food'. Drinks maybe...but food? Shit I'm there! I might be skinny but I can wolf down a plate like none other.

Ah well...I say bleeuch too!!!

Heartwarmer said...

Can I have your kite.
Just last night I reckoned I wanted a kite. And I think that's why you have a kite. You are meant to give me your kite.

Peas on Toast said...

Beautiful Suave!
I love the Westcliff, you just feel like a rock star just being there.
I've done the high tea thing a couple of times, and a launch here and there - free stuff rocks, even if it's useless.

Stunning pics, very cool indeed.

Suavé said...

HAHA! Well what I meant by kite is a message. I was reading this book about pimps called...erm...Pimp and that's what they called a 'message'. It kinda stuck with me. You can have my kite though Heartwarmer. You might have a better time than me ;)

But the kite idea is not bad one at all. I've always wanted to get one. But one of those really hectic ones that can lift you off the ground and shit. Yeah that would be great.

Suavé said...

Yeah it's quite a sight Peas. I really loved the surroundings. If I can do it again I would, but on my own terms though. Good times!

And yes, free stuff rocks! ;)

Buzzing'Fly said...

YAY 4 FREE stuff....

and agreed the westcliff is beautiful, awesome view. One day i will afford to dine there on my own terms too.

one day... *sigh*

Heartwarmer said...

YOU ARE LYING. You have a kite. Give me you kite. I want your kite.

sunshine said...

...the westcliffe is quite the one..was taken there for dinner (an innocent one at that)...have an invite for sundowners...have to do that...

eish don't those stuck up peeps just piss you off...like if you were not meant to be there...why would you go...eish bloody piss me off!!!

The Real Marbro said...

man now im hungry!

Suavé said...

Buzz > Maybe one day we collaborate and go check it out, the two of us. Before you leave for the UK of course. Two is beter than one they say. HAHA!

Heartwarmer > He banna, and then? Molato ke eng? Okay okay I'll give it to you, just dont get your panties in a bunch over there. LOL! But then what are going to do for me? You know what they say, tit for tat. I'll give you my tat it you give me your(***) Oops, let me stop right there. Nyehehehehe ;)


Just Be > They really grind my nuts them stuck up folk. But it's funny how if you just ignore them then they become more of an annoyance than anything else.

Oh and dont worry. I'm sure one day your Knight-In-Shining-Armour will whisk you there and wine and dine your panties off. LOL! ;)

Marbro > Dude, dont let the skinny frame fool you. I'm ALWAYS hungry. Now hand me some ribs!

Suavé said...

Tell it like it is Shorty! I think he has SMS. You know, Short Man Syndrome. You on the other hand dont sound like you get your vuma cause you short. You jus sound like you got a fire under your belly naturally! Never let it die you hear!?!

sunshine said...

Suavy...are u feeling a little naughty with all that talk, tits...panties...yuu yuu..what next?!

ya..u need to put them in their place thank u...
...the invites are there so i'm gonna take them even if they are not my knights...

Suavé said...

Well who knows what's next Just Be. I mean it's Friday! Every reason to get a bit naughty innit? Ever seen that video with Christina: "Drrrty"? That's what I feel like. But in a hardcore, manly way of course. Hehehe ;)

Don't be so negative about these thigs. Someone once told me tht when you are looking for something, it's usually right under your nose. You just can't see it. He's out there...somewhere.

Suavé said...

Been there. Phucken funny I know! I'm still wondering if it's a guy or a girl. Do you know?

Buzzing'Fly said...

We have a date captain!! after payday...;)

Suavé said...

I like the way you think my dear!

;)

Peas on Toast said...

So dude how hilarious is this? We went to the high tea for ladies - excatly the same event, in the same place on the terrace, the same goodie bags. It was great. And we toasted to you, since you're there the day before or whenever.

Suavé said...

Peas > Oh wow, geddaphuckouttahear! Twas quite cool wasnt it? Hope you had a great time cause I did. Even if there were just chicks there.

Oh and thanks for the toast Peasypoo! Awwww ;)

Shorty > So they say eh? Well who would have known?

Anonymous said...

cool

Itsnopicknick said...

i don't get the hype around the Westcliff, i have to say. I don't like all that pretencious malarchey and it's sooo pink! and I can't stand it when people treat you like you don't belong there - you should have told him straight that you don't like the tone he's taking with you! he he